Draw the person who is causing you grief into your mind. Rest your mind upon the situation that is aggravating you. You see how this person may have acted thoughtlessly, selfishly, mindlessly, how they may have hurt you, inconvenienced you, taken advantage of you, judged, condemned or punished you, bullied or mistreated you or pushed you beyond your limits. Focus your whole mind upon this person, upon this life experience and connect with your feelings. Feel your anger, feel your hurt, resentment pain or tears – Let your feelings flow. Do not deny or push your feelings away. Let them rise to the surface for recognition, understanding and release.
Why do you feel like this? What do you feel? Why can’t you let go? Do you hate them or want to punish them in return? It’s OK to have these feelings. Having these feelings is perfectly normal. Let them flow. You are not a bad person for having these feelings, however the next step is what makes all the difference…
These feelings are all yours and belong to no one else. They are your choice of emotional reaction. Yes this person may have behaved badly, trampled all over you and ignored your boundaries, however a negative emotional reaction is not going to help you move forwards. You need to take positive, constructive action to improve your relationships. And yes this may take time and yes often the learning process is frustrating and time consuming, but if you focus forwards you are making an investment in your future to avoid the repetition of this suffering. If you lay fault and blame in others, you are denying your own power to resolve and succeed within these life experiences. Perhaps this has happened a thousand times before and your frustration is through the roof – you’ve had enough!!! Regardless, taking responsibility and letting go is your ticket out. If you’ve let things get quite out of control then it will take some practice and control to realign yourself, but it WILL happen.
So the first step is understanding how you feel and why you feel that way. You recognise your feelings. Do you understand the other person? Can you see behind their actions and choices to the insecurities, fears and lack of awareness that lies beneath? Can you feel their pain, their need and their cry for help? If so, good! Second step acheived. If not, try and connect, try and feel and attempt to understood. Practice feeling and listening empathically. Attempt to understand before moving onto the next step.
The second step is dealing with the situation. If this is a close relationship, the chances are you are going to come up against this situation again, so lets tackle it NOW! If it is not, then you can still move forwards and avoid future suffering. This person has needs, however you are not put upon this earth to sacrifice yourself and deny your own needs. How is this person’s needs interfering with your own?
Which needs are they denying you? Here you are going to recognise your needs. What are you being deprived or denied of. Look carefully at this point. Are you sacrificing your need to be nurtured, accepted or your need for freedom or love? Are you sacrificing your need to be heard or valued? Are being deprived of your finances or being controlled and restricted? When you have evaluated what element of your life they are impinging upon, you can move onto the next step.
Let us choose an example. Lets say they are stopping you from being able to nurture yourself correctly. There are two valid points to make here. The first one is about taking responsibility for yourself. Recognise that you need to nurture yourself. Look at your life and honestly notice where you are making choices that are not in line with this idea, where are you careless with this aspect? Where do you trample and disrespect yourself? Look at your thoughts and notice where your thoughts are not focused upon this idea. Look at your interactions with others and notice where you deny the needs of others in this area? Getting the picture? Seeing things clearly! Now make a commitment to taking positive action to balance this area of your life!!! – Already doing this? Keep at it! Don’t give up! Recognise it’s a process and that you will experience your results gradually over a period of time in relation to the effort you are investing. Don’t try too hard – Be patient! It will come!
The second point that is vaild and worthy of recognition is that whatever need the other person is denying you of, is something they are not recognising and allowing for themselves. Thus, they need your guidance, support, care and understanding – not your blame, critisicm and revenge!
So if this person needs to be nurtured, invest this energy into them,, if they need to feel more freedom then allow it for them, show them that it is OK to receive these things without guilt or sacrifice. Give to them whatever you wish to receive for yourself. I would add here, that you don’t need to set out on a mission to sort out this person’s life but simply be aware of this need and to honour it when the opportunity arises. To make an effort to make sure these needs are met when you have the opportunity to provide. Do not force yourself upon them, this is instead about altering and improving your energetic interaction with them, whilst sepereately building your own energies so you are able to give without feeling like it is a sacrifice.
As they learn to recognise their needs and receive more in this way, they begin to see and honour your needs to the same extent they honour their own…. life improves – we’re all happy!
If you don’t know how to improve those needs, I recommend manifesting them through visualisation. Visualisaing yourself and the other person as being nurtured, experiencing freedom and forgiveness, and then acting upon your intentions. Recognise that the pain this person brings to you is that which they experience within themselves. Let them go, set them free and rise above it – Guide people – not punish them! xxx