It can be incredibly frustrating if you are trying to move forwards and make positive changes within yourself and yet the people around you wont support you by believing in the best in you. Instead they insist you are a certain way either unconsciously or subconsciously – they have labelled you and send out negativity into your energy through thought and action (or inaction).
These people have most probably been hurt by your actions in the past or by others like you and are afraid to open up and let you in – even when your being nice, kind and caring. For them you are perceived as a ‘risk’! If they put you in a box, they can manage and perhaps even control you and more importantly manage this’aspect’ in you that makes them uneasy, uncertain and perhaps even suffer pain.
First step – If you have behaved badly in the past – you must humbly take responsibility for your choices, however much struggle or pain you were suffering at that time, your actions were still your choices and if they hurt those around you, you must accept this. Here you are accepting your role in ‘the conflict’.
Second Step – Recognise that the other person is afraid, hurt and uncertain. Even if they behave in arrogance or act confidently to suppress you, their choices are coming from a place of fear. They expect to be hurt by you and so they are preparing for the attack by instigating their defense mechanisms, before you have the chance to attack. So choose to feel compassion for this person. They need your support, not your indignation!
Third Step – Show strength of Character – Do not slip into their expectations of you as this simply confirms their beliefs and proves to them, that they were ‘right about you’ all along! This here is your challenge to overcome your own personal demons as they send in the energy that you have worked soooooo hard to overcome. They are adding more fuel into your own fears and weaknesses, affirming that you are weak, you are this or that – you must choose to believe in yourself. If you cant – your going to have to do what they are doing and put up your own defenses and slip into old patterns – the cycle perpetuates!!!
Fourth Step – Listen! If this person is willing to communicate their feelings – Bingo – A door to understanding has opened and you have a way in – a way through this negativity the perceive in you. Recognise this massive opportunity to move forwards to a place of understanding and positively relating. This person wants to share with you their feelings so that you can understand why they react to you in a negative manner – They want to release the pain they hold in order to move forwards to a place where they can begin to see you in a positive light. If your not willing to listen and take on board what they have to say – You don’t really care about this person or their feelings and it’s hardly surpirsing they have their fences up in protection! You are only vested in your own interest and getting from them what you want for yourself. This is not to say you aren’t entitled to receiving but that you need to work towards this in a positive and constructive manner and if your not willing to do the work – you simply cannot expect the results. If you struggle to listen because your own pain is so great, then work on yourself to strengthen yourself. Work on looking after your body and soul and apply yourself in your own life in a way that improves your self esteem. Work on improving your confidence and upon feeling secure enough to listen to other people’s pain. Relating is a two way process and to achieve a successful relationship with anyone in your life you have to be willing to invest as much as you would like to receive.
If this person is not willing to share their truth or reasons with you, then listen with your heart – try and understand with compassion what is happening here.
Fifth Step – Acceptance. Accept how this other person feels. Accept their pain and their fear. Accept that this person is free to choose their emotions, thoughts and actions and you are not here to control or fix them in anyway. Accept them fully and allow them the freedom to make their choices based upon their perception of reality.
Sixth Step – By going through the previous steps in your mind, you have probably come to an understanding that this persons expectations and negativity actually has nothing to do with you – is their path and their reality. You are not one person. You are your own person and you can choose to be whoever you want to be – act! Don’t react. Let them go from your energy and make a choice from a space of conscious choice. Choose who you want to be despite what those around you think or feel. If you do want the other person to change their opinion of you, then you cannot force it. you have to simply be the best of yourself and then let them make their own mind up from what they perceive. If you have stopped playing into their little thought drama’s and continually choose positive behaviours, then they will most probably change their perception of you. Also you create success for yourself because it was never really about them anyway! If you slip into old patterns and show them what they expect, you are giving away your power over to them to decide who you are!!! This is not going to help your cause at all really! If this person is consistently negative towards you and you feel weak, step away until you are stronger! If someone insists on feeding negativity into you and their mind is more strongly focused than yours then you must step away or focus your mind with clear intention….. the next blog post will be upon how to focus your mind within this space of negativity to turn things around! xxxx